Fight Fire with Sapphire!

While reich-wingers all over the world are condemning the so-called "terrorists" who planted those bombs in London, far more appalling things are happening in Australia.

 

Matt Hayden, up to now fond of merely cheering on the violation of Sister Nature, has now gone over the line and himself committed an act of pure barbarism. 

 

I'm sure Herr Hayden thinks that he's got away with it.  Well, you're wrong Matt.  Jocelyn and I will not rest until you are punished, and imprisoned for your vile crime!

As my fellow traveller Damian Lataan so searingly proclaims, there is a "racism of religion and culture".  There is also a speciesism of religion and culture.

 

It is speciesist, for instance, for an appalling right-wing racist Christian preacher to talk about his "flock".  This analogy infers that people are like sheep (and vice versa), an assumption that is as offensive (to sheep) as it is inaccurate. 

 

Not only are most sheep non-conformists -- and not just the black ones (which is a racist stereotype, BTW, but I'll get to that another time!) -- they deeply resent being compared to humans.

 

So before you sneeringly invoke your cultural speciesism against the sheep with talk of "lambs to the slaughter" and "sheepishness" I suggest you walk a mile in his hooves. 

 

And right-wingers, stop your bleating!

 

Of course the peenie-waving Nazis of the blogosphere will be sneering and jeering at our sassy sister Sheryl Crow for saying that people should use toilet paper in a more Gaia-friendly fashion.

 

Unfortunately some of this criticism is bound to stick.  So I say to Cheryl, "Don't let those misogynist nature-haters get you down.  Yougogirl!"

 

Actually, her sassy suggestion reminds me of a project I had some time ago.  But while Cheryl's vision deconstructed the quantitative discourse of the toilet paper narrative/paradigm, my subversion of it was more chromatological. 

 

You see, I developed my own brand of toilet paper (logo-less, by the way).  It was brown already, so even if you'd used it, you weren't sure if you had.  So you'd use it again, and again, and again. 

 

Okay, so it wasn't very good for your social life, but it was really good for the environment, and that's what mattered. 

 

And friends of mine would come up to me and say, "Derek, we enjoy using this toilet paper so much that we eat a kilo of prunes every day, just so we can use it more often!  Thanks to you, Derek Sapphire, we feel we're part of a real bowel movement."

 

So empowering, hey!

 

Unfortunately I had to cease production because the local council deemed that it was unhygeinic, and posed a "public health risk".  Can you believe it?

 

Appalling.  Just appalling.