Fight Fire with Sapphire!

Of course the peenie-waving Nazis of the blogosphere will be sneering and jeering at our sassy sister Sheryl Crow for saying that people should use toilet paper in a more Gaia-friendly fashion.

Unfortunately some of this criticism is bound to stick.  So I say to Cheryl, "Don't let those misogynist nature-haters get you down.  Yougogirl!"

Actually, her sassy suggestion reminds me of a project I had some time ago.  But while Cheryl's vision deconstructed the quantitative discourse of the toilet paper narrative/paradigm, my subversion of it was more chromatological. 

You see, I developed my own brand of toilet paper (logo-less, by the way).  It was brown already, so even if you'd used it, you weren't sure if you had.  So you'd use it again, and again, and again. 

Okay, so it wasn't very good for your social life, but it was really good for the environment, and that's what mattered. 

And friends of mine would come up to me and say, "Derek, we enjoy using this toilet paper so much that we eat a kilo of prunes every day, just so we can use it more often!  Thanks to you, Derek Sapphire, we feel we're part of a real bowel movement."

So empowering, hey!

Unfortunately I had to cease production because the local council deemed that it was unhygeinic, and posed a "public health risk".  Can you believe it?

Appalling.  Just appalling. 

The appalling Matt Hayden displays what can only be described as universal ignorance in this hateful post about the joyful discovery, and naming, of a new constellation.

Oh, where do I start, Matt! 

One:  What you, in your typically speciesist manner, insist on calling the "humanities" departments are certainly not dominated by "politically correct" left-wingers.  Just as in the mainstream media, appalling peenie-waving testosteroids continue to ruthlessly inflict their hateful agenda upon a terrified community. 

Two: You seem to believe that astronomers have forsaken their objectivity and are revealing some sort of political bias in their nomenclature (if only it were "no men" but that's another matter!).  Actually, Matt, they are being very rational indeed.

"Red Square" is what the citizens of that most spiritually evolved constellation call their harmonius home.  The astronmers are merely reporting that fact.  So don't shoot the messenger, Matt! 

You may be wondering how I know this?  Well, Jocelyn and I have been to this destination (we astral travelled there only recently) and we can assure you it is a workers' paradise. 

You see, Matt, you and your evil cohorts on the right may be presently winning the battle here on Earth, but we are winning the war intergalactically (and pacifistically, of course).

So there! 

Speaking of sexist attitudes ...

The appalling Matt Hayden is just full of them.  You see, poor sexist Matt is terribly threatened by the mere presence of women the public sphere (unless they are appalling reich-wingers like himself -- hello A man, duh!) and so he seeks to demean them -- usually by constructing some form of commodification or other -- whenever possible on his blog.

Recently he suggested an appallingly sexist (and environmentally unfriendly) scenario in which two female Queensland Green candidates should perform for his optico-patriarchal amusement.

Apart from the overt misogyny in this appalling post there is a covert attitude that I find deeply offensive: namely that "wildness" is associated with the loss of sexual inhibition; and that women actually enjoy displaying their bodies to unreconstructed testosteroids.   

Since when did Sister Nature commodify sassy sisters with lookism, Matt?  Hmm?  Hmm?