Fight Fire with Sapphire!

Of course the peenie-waving Nazis of the blogosphere will be sneering and jeering at our sassy sister Sheryl Crow for saying that people should use toilet paper in a more Gaia-friendly fashion.

 

Unfortunately some of this criticism is bound to stick.  So I say to Cheryl, "Don't let those misogynist nature-haters get you down.  Yougogirl!"

 

Actually, her sassy suggestion reminds me of a project I had some time ago.  But while Cheryl's vision deconstructed the quantitative discourse of the toilet paper narrative/paradigm, my subversion of it was more chromatological. 

 

You see, I developed my own brand of toilet paper (logo-less, by the way).  It was brown already, so even if you'd used it, you weren't sure if you had.  So you'd use it again, and again, and again. 

 

Okay, so it wasn't very good for your social life, but it was really good for the environment, and that's what mattered. 

 

And friends of mine would come up to me and say, "Derek, we enjoy using this toilet paper so much that we eat a kilo of prunes every day, just so we can use it more often!  Thanks to you, Derek Sapphire, we feel we're part of a real bowel movement."

 

So empowering, hey!

 

Unfortunately I had to cease production because the local council deemed that it was unhygeinic, and posed a "public health risk".  Can you believe it?

 

Appalling.  Just appalling.