Fight Fire with Sapphire!

My feline fellow traveller Jocelyn and I have been assessing the results of our latest comment-focused peace campaign at these two sites.  Together we will retire to the isolation tank for a long meditation session to seek inspiration for a new campaign.   

But while on the subject of comments, this time on this blog: 

New fan:  As I have repeatedly affirmed on this blog and others:  I AM NOT A SATIRE!  I do exist on the temporal plane just like you (although I do spend much of my time on higher ones, of course).

Old fan:  I do agree with your opinion of the appalling Herr Hayden.  And it is very empowering to receive your support.  However, I would appreciate it if you refrain from using the "c" word in future.  Sassy sisters read this blog, remember! 

And no, Herr Hayden didn't have me locked away.  But I can tell you this: he has tried to abduct Jocelyn on several occasions.  And reliable contacts inform me that he has been in touch with various underworld figures with the intention of having me terminated -- terminated with extreme prejudice! 

He will not succeed in this.  My telepathic abilites will always keep me one step ahead of Hayden and his thugs.  However, even if one of his "sharp" shooters does strike it lucky and hits his mark, I will survive.  I am immortal, remember!   

Fellow travellers, as we all know reich-wingers are the worst trolls in cyberspace.  Their malicious, hate-filled comments infect the blogosphere like carbon dioxide now infects the atmosphere.

So, after a long conversation with Jocelyn, I have decided to do something about this; to fight back somehow -- but in a loving way, of course.  How? By trolling back.  (Although it's not really trolling in this case.  It's actually subverting the dominant paradigm.) 

To see my first victory in this campaign, go here.  Observe how my deconstructive leftist wit makes mincemeat (but not in a carnivorous way) of their hateful abuse of me.  Inspiring, is it not? 

Well, well, well.  The always appalling Andrew Bolt says we should "ban the booze, not the flag". 

The gall and self-RIGHTeousness of the man is just breathtaking, isn't it fellow travellers?  Surely he knows that those thugs at last year's Big Day Out who were forcing people to kiss the flag were doing so not because of alcohol, but because they were all regular readers of his column? 

Still, I don't think the flag should be banned.  It goes without saying that -- being of the left -- I don't believe in censorship of any kind.  I think that people should be free to display the Australian flag, but only on condition that they then promptly burn it.

(And when I say that, I don't mean it in, like, an inflammatory way.) 

The appalling Bernard Slattery manages to simultaneously denigrate women, New Zealanders and non-human persons with this revolting post about a recently banned (and rightly!) advertising campaign.

While reich-winger "Slatts" is a serial offender when it comes to cultural insensitivity, it must be said that he has nothing on the aptly named "Yobbo" who manages to be sexist, racist and lookist every single week!

Fellow travellers, as you may be aware, a truly tragic situation is unfolding in Esperance, WA.  Thousands of our feathered friends have simultaneously left the temporal plane!

Not surprisingly, peenie-waving scientists are of course looking for some kind of "rational" cause such as a lethal toxin or infection.  As usual, they are completely misguided. 

Clearly, the collective expiration is a political act.  But what is it meant to communicate?

I suspect it might be to do with the Master of Evil's continual refusal to ratify the Kyoto Protocol ... Or could it be a plea to free David Hicks?  The most likely motivation, though, is rage at Environment Minister Ian Campbell's decision to reverse his former, wise policy and allow construction of wind turbines at Bald Hills, thereby spelling doom for the orange bellied parrot. 

Perhaps it is none of these; perhaps there is some other reason that will eventually become clear (well, clear to people like us). 

One thing is certain: this is not a random event.  Ms Universe does not make mistakes.